Chapter Three: Was

As sentient beings we need few things for survival. We need food, sustenance, of some kind. We need water, to keep our bodies hydrated. That is all that a human body needs to maintain life. We look for human connections. We feel like surviving without love is pointless. If it is so pointless, why and I still here?

I was frozen, and I felt nauseous at the sound of his voice. I heard fumbling again, and most of the noises had stopped on the other end. Had it not been for Emmet's panicked breaths, I would have feared the phone hung up, but if the phone had hung up, it would have relieved me as well. He only took me off speaker phone. He always did know me so well. He saw me at my worst; of course he knows what would break me. Well, his plan didn't work for long, I am broken now.

I was once whole. I was at one time happy and healthy. I was in love once. I was alive before. Before what I was died. I was everything I was because of Edward. He made me laugh. He saw me cry. He knew my faults; he felt all of the differences between him and I. Yet he still loved me. Once upon a time when I was not a liar.

I measured my thought, my breaths. I needed to be strong for Emmet, for Edward. There is still a chance he will make it. Even if it is only a slim one that I wont even give any hope to. It sits in the corner of my head, mocking me in ways I never thought possible.

"Bella, tell me what to do!" Emmet said into the phone, gaining my attention again. I didn't have time to give him any answers before I heard him yelling to the EMT's who must have been downstairs. "Up here! The master bedroom! He's up here!" I heard his voice crack on the last word, and I heard the sob break from his throat.

The EMT's who were rushing into the room effectively knocked the phone from Emmet's hand has they buffet him out of their way. From the phones spot on the floor I could hear the stranger's voices as they worked over my everything's body. I heard them speaking, but I couldn't concentrate on their voices. All I could listen to were the gasping breaths being taken so close to the mouth piece. I heard them finally attach the monitors to his body. 'To Edward.' A broken voice from my head affirmed ' He isn't dead yet. It isn't a body yet.'

The mechanical beeping of the machine was erratic. I knew, just as the EMT's did, that his heart was giving out. It was working to hard to pump blood through his body, but no blood was coming back to it. He was bleeding out. I heart the sound go constant, then a loud jolt from Edward. 'No!'

I heard him jolt again.

I started talking into my phone about how much I loved him. I told him I lied to him, that I would do almost anything to have him as my own. I asked him why he was doing this; why he chose to try to end his life. I refused to even think about him succeeding. My talking was interrupted by his again.

''I know you can't hear me Bella. I just want you to know. This is all for you. I love you... Isabella." His words were stretch, and skewed with the effort it took for him to say them. The mechanical sound went flat again. After about thirty seconds I heard one of the strangers voices say "Called it. Eric, call it, he's gone.''

I guess I got my answer didn't I? He chose to die because of me. It wasn't by my hand, I didn't force him to make the cuts physically, but it was still me who made him make the cuts. Me who forced his hand. It was me. Just me. 'All your fault!'

"Time of death..." I blocked out the rest of his sentence. I couldn't take it. It hurt so much, in a way that I could never find words to describe. It hurts to much.


Gone. He was gone.

Stage one of the grief? Disbelief. Denial. This can't be happening. This isn't real.